I'm There

The reality of another day

I seek my numbing agents

Treasured tricks begotten in youth

With them I am untouchable

I maneuver past emotions

I subdue what lies 

beyond my control

Night falls

Once it was my veiled fortress

Even here I reach for my numbing agents

in the darkness that is now,

like the day,

an enemy

And always, the gears of another day 

propel me forward

I'm a disengaged participant

I make feeble attempts to leave

I make feeble attempts to stay

There is no safe haven in this world

Least of all, within myself

Another day

and yet another

And each time

I apply more numbing agent

In whatever form I can find

There, in the words of others

There, in the worlds of others

and always there

in the shallow affection

and empty comfort

of all the Others

who believe me

when I say I'm there