Meow?

Watchful eyes. The twitch of a tail, but otherwise as still as stone. He blinks, a slow, decisive movement. I call to him. He doesn't move. I turn to leave and abruptly he's on his back, paws outstretched. I stroke the soft fur along his chest. His eyes close in approval. Suddenly he's on his feet and moving away from me. He regards the world with cool disdain as he steps back into his favorite spot. I turn to leave and am halted by a questioning, "Meow?" When I look, his eyes are alert and engaged. His head tilts. Want to play? I laugh and join him on the floor. He pounces. We play. But with fluid grace he turns; the game is over on his terms, for he is a cat. Again he retreats to his favorite spot. His gaze is unfathomable and unfeeling. I look into those eyes and see no remembrance that we ever played. Without a sound he leaps to the window sill. Without a backward glance, he's gone.

My Friend

I keep my silence.

Hold it.
Guard it.

You, who cannot hear me.
You, who does not even realize.

As you sit beside me
as you hold my hand.
As we laugh and talk and sing and dance.
As we take comfort in each other,
As we build the intimate moments
that will become our story
in all of this
you'll never know how desperately I need you
You'll never see my broken soul.
If you did you might leave me.
If you saw the bent
and crippled infant, with no chance of ever being made whole
you, too, might leave it on the rocks to die.

I hold you close now.
You don't see the crimson stain
of my heart's blood soaking your clothes.
You don't realize that I hold you tight
to keep you from noticing the giant wound across my heart.
Because in this
my darkest moment
when I don't know if I can make it through
you are all that's holding me together.

I need you, but you don't realize it.

I need you, but I can never let you know.

Echoes

A touch upon her soul
It withdraws with chilling conviction
but its warm imprint remains
A defiant presence in her heart
Bewildering her logic
Thwarting her reason
A creation of her own making
Of her own heart
pulsing with echoes
of a voice that has long since
fallen silent

Japanese!! Arigato, InuYasha.

My knowledge of Japanese words and phrases is growing substantially now that I'm watching *cough-addicted-cough* InuYasha. Previously, the anime I've watched has been dubbed in English, but InuYasha isn't and I'm delighted!!

Here is a list of Japanese words and phrases I don't have to think twice about, thanks in part to my Japanese martial arts instructor from a million years ago (mainly for the counting), and also in part to my old friend from the Navy (she married a sailor and lived right next door), and also in part to another old friend (unfortunately, I've lost touch with both of these friends), and ALSO, most recently thanks to InuYasha!

Er...I have no idea if I'm spelling these right, and am relying on Google as I have lost touch with my Japanese acquaintances. Any corrections and additions are welcome.

Tokidoki- Sometimes (When Kagome says it, I hear, "Taki-taki."
Arigato- Thank you
Do itashi mashite- You're welcome (My Navy-friend used to tell me to remember "don't touchy mustache" and although I always did remember it, I can never remember how to spell it properly and I'm trying to break the habit of this mispronunciation!)
Sayonara- Goodbye
Gomen-nasai- I'm sorry. (Kagome says this so quickly, I feel like I'm hearing "Gomenai"...hm.)
Daijoubu? -Are you okay?
Ne- A tricky one. Between the old acquaintance and InuYasha, this feels like a useful expression that's kind of hard to translate. I think I know how to use it but I can't think of how to translate it. "Well/Hmm" maybe? I dunno.
Nani- What? (I love when InuYasha says it, "NANIIII?!!!" Hee!)
Hai- yes/agreed
Tasukete- Help! (In watching Inuyasha, it kinda-almost sounds like, "Tashkitai!")
Kon'nichiwa- Hello (Until I googled the spelling, I always thought this was spelled with the letter "C")
Moshi moshi- How to say hi when you answer the phone. Though my navy friend would say it, "Mosh-moshi?" in a sing-song way I liked.
Sensai- teacher?
Kiai!- I have no idea what this means but I used to scream it in martial arts and it feels pretty awesome to think as I fight in World of Warcraft when I'm on my Death Knight. I googled it, and apparently it's like a battle cry.

Random- I noticed, when Kagome addresses Sango, she calls her something that sounds like Sango-jen... I wonder if it's Sango-chan. Maybe. Hrmm. I dunno.

Counting:

When I was little I used to count out loud (scream out loud) in martial arts and I would think this is what the numbers were:

Each
Knee
San
She
Go
Rocko
Seechee-Hatchi
Screw-You!

There was a rhythm to it and thanks to all of that screaming, I've never forgotten the numbers, one through ten, in Japanese, all these million years later!

Here are the real spellings, as far as google advises me:

Ichi- One
Ni- Two
San- Three
Shi- Four
Go- Five
Roku- Six
Shichi- Seven
Hachi- Eight
Kyuu- Nine
Juu- Ten

I think that's all that comes to mind right now. I might put this list on my side bar. Yay for learning new languages! I love learning Japanese much more so than other languages I've tried because I feel like this language is completely undecipherable; compared with French or Italian or Latin, I can cheat and figure things out using Spanish... even German has so many words that sound similar to English. With Japanese I like feeling like I'm learning something completely apart from the languages and root words my mind tries to reach for-- it's like I'm outsmarting my brain!

A new realm! Though, it's so very quiet.

I decided to try a new realm! And... it's empty. No one's chatting. No one's even around! It's not so fun playing on this realm, and although my priestess is at level 8 now, I don't know if I'll be back.

/sigh

On my OWN realm it's a lot more fun. I have a feeling I'll end up going back. But I'm going to try a few other realms first. Maybe I'll find a new place to call home? The search continues!

I Miss RP

I took a break from RP. I dunno. I just felt like I couldn't go on WoW anymore without feeling guilty if I didn't chat or RP with whoever I'd been on recently with. So I stopped playing all the characters that ever RPed. I'm pretty sure I'm forgotten by now, but what if I'm not? Then it's going to be the same thing and I just don't want to feel obligated to  hang out with people. I guess I want my cake and eat it too; I want to be able to level my characters and run endless dungeons, just kill and kill and have my character grow stronger and stronger until I feel spent, and THEN I want to be able to hang out in the city or Everwood and get into a lengthy RP storyline. And every time I log on, I want to be able to repeat that cycle; just play my character the way I feel like it. But people get their feelings hurt and take it personally if I just don't FEEL like hanging out when I first come on. It's.......annoying!!

I could start some new characters, or even go to another server. I dunno. I love the server my characters are on. There's almost always something going on and almost always someone willing to casual RP or, if I feel like lurking, almost always RP going on to watch. Mainly though, my realm feels like home. But I can't play my characters without feeling guilty and it's enough to make me want to start over somewhere else. ....Start all over again... A new huntress and priestess and death knight, which are my three favorite classes. I dunno I dunno. I tried that before and it never felt right. I always wanted to go back home.

But, I can't deny that I miss RPing. Leveling is part of the fun, but my characters are characters... like the ones I write about, and they're real to me. I want them to do more than mindlessly accumulate XP. Just. Blerg.

Sketch: Sleepy Kitty

~yawns~
I sleep now.

I hate being bossed.

That is all.