My Friend

I keep my silence.

Hold it.
Guard it.

You, who cannot hear me.
You, who does not even realize.

As you sit beside me
as you hold my hand.
As we laugh and talk and sing and dance.
As we take comfort in each other,
As we build the intimate moments
that will become our story
in all of this
you'll never know how desperately I need you
You'll never see my broken soul.
If you did you might leave me.
If you saw the bent
and crippled infant, with no chance of ever being made whole
you, too, might leave it on the rocks to die.

I hold you close now.
You don't see the crimson stain
of my heart's blood soaking your clothes.
You don't realize that I hold you tight
to keep you from noticing the giant wound across my heart.
Because in this
my darkest moment
when I don't know if I can make it through
you are all that's holding me together.

I need you, but you don't realize it.

I need you, but I can never let you know.